Personal message

This is a Personal message to make the Ruminating stop, so I won’t have it going round and round in my head. I will give you the context and all, so you get why I write the message.

A few years ago, I was living together with a girl, until I was caught between 2 fires and my mom threw me out. I really loved this girl. Did everything to get her away from her abusive ex. She kept emotionally distant from me because She kept chatting with a guy whom only used her for sex, but She had feelings for. When my mom threw us out, She forgot pictures of her deceased dad and a jewelry box. My mom admitted She had never seen it when I asked her about it, which I know is a lie. My best friend, whom started a relationship with her, wants to get contact again, only when I apologize for the loss of the jewelry. This is my message to him, don’t know if he will ever read it, but I don’t care. It will be off my mind.

Dear Y,

Apologizing to I. would be the same as admitting guilt, and I am not guilty. Never was.

If you want me to apologize for all the things I messaged her, as far as I can tell, one message that really stands out, I will do that, but never will I apologize for things I can’t control. Yes, it’s my family, but No, I can’t control them. It’s sad that a friendship will be lost, but I think I already knew it was doomed the moment you came confessing She had rested her head on your lap. Or when I was still there Bu you,two were playing with the whipped Cream. Also, a not so subtle sign was the moment everyone grew silent when I came back from upstairs. (It’s weird how after all these years I still remember everything so vividly). I went home early to not have to witness it anymore, but a few days later, it all happened where we lived, and you sent me away, instead of her, while you yelled bros before hoes, a few months before, while I was still helping her. Our friendship is over, I guess. Not that I will forget the memories, as you see, I clearly haven’t. Not even of the moment we met, or your birthday party, or the christmasses we spent together. I don’t think I will ever forget.

I don’t think I will ever let someone get as close as I have let you. You knew almost everything, you were the one most dear to me, even during my suicide attempt, I know you begged and pleaded to get me off the tracks, but I was to far gone, mostly Thanks to your new girlfriend. But clearly you have chosen as well, just as I have. I will never interfere with your life, you will never interfere with mine.

I wish you well.

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