Foresight

It’s well known that adhd’ers have a bad relationship with time and I do as well, as I am always early to appointments. I hate time-management. I hate setting certain times for certain tasks and it will stress me out immensely when I do so, so I don’t. I loved the structure of school though, how each hour was a set timeframe and everything was timed for me, but that was someone else controlling the time. I have less trouble when someone else controls the timeslots, but when I have to do it for myself, it just doesn’t work. I forget, I postpone, it doesn’t work. At school I was always neatly on time or way to early. Always at the right class with my material. Everything. I wasn’t the top student by far, but timewise and such I was the perfect student.

Now that I am out of school, time seems to be an enemy. I can not plan for the life of me things in my own life, except when other people depend on the time-management. When I have to depend on myself, I can’t adhere to time-management. I don’t know what it is, but it’s weird to say the least.

Don’t get me started on the future. The future to me is even weirder. I don’t plan things, I don’t set dates (except when people depend on me). I might take steps for a future thing, but forget about it or not like it anymore or get bored by it and leave it be. I think it’s part of being neurodivergent. By far my worst timeguzzlers are adhd and depression as they make managing things unpredictable. My depression can hit anyday and cause me to not leave the bed and do anything in the house or for my own pleasure and adhd can get me absorbed in an online thing or something of interest and make me lose track of time and notice what time it is when it’s dark outside or the sun comes back up, which happens way too often.

I don’t profess to know what time will bring, so I don’t even pretend to and take the days and my mental state as they come.

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