tales by the unexpected

My story, my tales, my life

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The worst people to talk to…

when you are autistic, you will have allies, people that will help you learn to cope with autism. The most fun people to talk to, are those on the spectrum themselves. You don’t have to fake it. They understand you instantaniously.

The worst… by far… without any competition at all… are the autism moms.

I was in a group on Facebook, and after i started sharing my experiences with autism, they started migrating the group, because their safespace was violated.

It was mostly because they couldn’t vent anymore about how difficult their life was and how bad little Timmy messed up their life…

I gave pretty good advice to Some of them… but in the end it wasn’t appreciated. There were more autistics in the group, and we weren’t welcome there. We were silenced. The one group that could understand their kids and help them through their difficulties were silenced by the one group that needed their help the most.

Never have i met more selfish and ignorant people. Maybe I should go to church more often to meet more ignorant people.

Autism and love: can we love?

I think this is an absurd question. Can a cat love? Can a bird love? Can a dog love? Can you love? So why can’t people with autism?

the one thing that sets apart my love life, is that I don’t forget. I remember all the intricate details of my relationships, like the date they started and the date they ended. I remember my first dates in vivid detail.

It’s not that we can’t love, it’s that we haven’t learned to mimic how it is to be a couple. We have seen movies (and Yes, those kind too) but they give a twisted image of what love really is, what love is supposed to be.

I got my first real girlfriend (I only count those with whom I had sexual things), when I was 22. I met her at a wiccan gathering, She had put her relationship with her ex on pauze, and we broke up because we didn’t go anywhere. My fault entirely, as I didn’t want to go anywhere… She showed me something important though, that in what I was, I was lovable… somebody could love me.

I think the first partner for someone with autism is, and somehow stays the most important. Because it validates them somehow. I had talks with my psychologist on how to approach women and suddenly this girl contactende me after we met several months before. It was short, and i can only speak for myself, powerfull.

we certainly are lovable. But a partner of an autistic has to know something. They have to take us for who  we are. We can change a little bit. But Some things we can’t change.

If you decide to start a relationship with us, you will get a very loving, loyal partner (although we don’t show it always), you,will have all the freedoms you want, but we can be very stubborn and jealous if you give us reason to be jealous that is.

all in all, you get a quirky partner, but one that will love you unconditionally. (And if you decide to end it, we will never forget you)

If vaccines cause autism

if vaccines cause autism, shouldn’t my sisters and my mother have it too? If vaccines cause autism, shouldn’t my nieces? I have autism, like my dad had it. We even have the same traits. My dad was never diagnosed, but I see almost all the things that make me autistic in him. My sisters and my mom don’t have autism, although I suspect one of my sisters. All three of us, and all 5 of our family were vaccinated, so… if the science behind the anti-vaxxers is plausible, shouldn’t we all have autism?

Even in their own family, shouldn’t they all have autism?

Oh Yeah, the link with autism and bowel disease? I can clear that right up for you. I have them both, you see. No, goddamned, not from vaccines. The disease started when i was 16, years after i got my last shot. But here comes the colleration: whenever i get stressed, my bowels act up. Like with other people’s stomach, it’s my bowels. It’s in the criteria that people with a bowel disease are less stress-resistant. I always had a form of bowel disease, even before my shots. I was even lactose-intolerant for a while, and am even still now.

Is this also because of vaccines? No, this is not a question. It’s sarcasm. (Yes, sarcasm can be learnt up until a certain degree).

I don’t get the logic of the anti-vaxxers. Whom would rather have a dead child, than a child that might be disabled. It’s still their child. I will always compare it to down syndrome and how people react to that.

answer me this question truthfully: If you knew, with a test, that your inborn child will have autism, would you abort it? You don’t know, and the test can’t predict, the degree of autism, or the intellectual level the child will have. But you still have the final decision… would you Murder your unborn?

ps: a test like this for autism is being researched by such groups as autism speaks, whom are absolutely anti-autism.

Do we need a cure?

Ok. Jimmy is calling himself Carla. He’s 4 years old and he thinks he’s a girl. Although he’s born a boy, he keeps insisting he’s a girl. Something is wrong with him. He’s asking us to get him hormone therapy so he can become a woman when  he grows up, he even wants a genital operation. Something is wrong with him. He needs to be cured.

Stephanie is in her puberty now. She hasn’t had a boyfriend yet, and when she’s together with her sister she never looks at boys. Yes, she’s a high-fuctioning Lesbian. I would’ve rather had that she liked boys more, maybe it’s because of vaccines. I had her vaccinated and before that she played with boys just fine, but now that’s she’s older, she only likes girls, and is only interested in ever dating a girl. Maybe she needs a cure or something?

Are you outraged? Good. Why is it okay to say something like the above about autism, but not about being gay or being transgender. Both used to be like it though, but they are somewhat accepted now. Why is autism seen as a disease instead of being more accomodating for it?

Book review: FLIPP the Switch: Strengthen Executive Function Skills by Sheri Wilkins and Carol Burmeister part 1

I recently had the pleasure of reading “Flipp the Switch”, because I was and still am looking for a way to improve my executive functioning skills, personal planning skills in layman terms.

I asked them for a review copy, and promised them to review it here, so here is my review.

I read the book (it’s a big book, thin approx 1 inch thick, but larger than A4) in approximately 2 hours, so there isn’t a lot written in it, but the big plus is that it’s full of ways to help children with autism improve their skills. And this is also where my criticism to the book comes, it’s written for children. Although the ad copy says that it’s for people 3-22, it’s actually more aimed to children, not really adults. I don’t see myself making a card to express my feelings with a bead. (Actually I couldn’t if I wanted too… it would be average most of the times and spike when it’s already to late…)

I’m going to do this review in 2 parts, as it wasn’t a good fit for me personally, although I picked up some things from it, I gifted it to a friend of mine, whom has a younger son with autism, whom might pick up some things from the book, so I’m going to ask him for feedback, so this review is more complete and gives a more nuanced view of the book.

What about the autism epidemic?

What about the autism epidemic?

In recent years, many people, even esteemed actors, have talked against the autism epidemic and what they think is caused by vaccines.

Autism in this way has gained a lot of publicity, which helps the agenda of politicians like Donald Trump and organisations like Autism speaks, whom are looking for a cure for something that is ingrained in us, something we are born with.

I am still reading “In a different key” which tells the history of autism (I also read “Neurotribes”), both are excellent books, but they also have opened my eyes.

They talk of an autism epidemic, while the numbers have shot up, how else could they have gone up?

They only started to keep numbers starting from 1992, and more and more people started to seek out a diagnosis, while also the DSM (the psychiatric manual) started to relax the criteria for the diagnosis, so more and more people are diagnosed with autism.

The vaccine scare is still a backlash from a faulty paper published by a schmuck called Randy Wakefield, not based on actual scientific fact.

my own system

More and more I see my deficits in my day to day life that are thanks to my autism.

I don’t see things that need to happen, if I don’t explicitly think about them, or are reminded about them, and that is difficult. Like for example a small thing, like taking bread out of the freezer after a meal, so that I have thawed bread the next meal. It seems stupid, but this is something I forget to do.

You can see me as an absent-minded professor. I am thinking about other stuff the whole day long, and in my work day now, I have moments that I absolutely think about nothing, which is so relaxing. There aren’t much times that I get the chance to think about nothing, and here I get the time. This is still a trainee-period, but I wouldn’t mind being employed there and doing the job that I do now, so I can stop to think for a moment every day, and get a fresh mind while working.

But back to my deficits, I know I might zoom in onto my autistic things a little bit to much, but it has paid off, because I have created a system which overcomes some of my deficits on a day to day basis, which is planning. I will tell you more when the time is ready to do so.

Special interest

A special interests a wonderful thing. When the world overwhelms me, i can always settle in a couch with a good book and start reading about the things that interest me. Now it’s electronics and programming, it used to be mentalism and magic. I still enjoy magic and mentalism, but it doesn’t have my undivided attention anymore.

but… what if you have no way to get information about your special interest?

I have the luck that i have the internet now so I can usually find a way to get to information about my special interest, but what if I have a magic effect that is on my mind? When it was on my mind, and I had no money to buy it, I would think about it, and try to work it out. Remember that intch… the one you just can’t scratch… the one that just doesn’t want to go away… that one. Well, that’s how it feels. It keeps nagging, keeps pulling your concentration away from the things that matter right now.

it’s the same when i feel overwhelmed. To calm myself down or to make myself more comfortable, i start to do things that are linked with my special interest, and i can tell you that it’s awfully difficult to stop doing it and get back to work, because i will feel like i have no energy left. As long as i keep doing the thing then with my special interest i feel good… if i stop, it feels like they pull away your batteries and you feel drained again.

Ami Klin and the things that are wrong with autism research

I was watching his Ted talk in my resolution to watch a Ted talk whenever the thought jumps in my head (max. Once per day). A daily dose to broeden my world view.

I was watching the Ted talk by Mr. klin and I heard some red flags being: treating autism, diagnosing it sooner, when the brain is still malliable ( is this spelled right?).

To me he doesn’t sound like a certified researcher. I have read a few books about the brain, written by neurologists ( a good example is the owner’s manual to the brain).

This is only one example, also, he must know, if he is a researcher, that autism is passed on through genetics, not a one of disease, that you can get when you miss a chromosome, like down’s.

Autism isn’t a birth defect. I won’t say that autism can’t be severe, but those are still human beings, with their own style of communicating, own style of sensing.

Instead of putting money into trying to cure by such quacks as Mr. Klin, and a group like Autism speaks, the money could be used much more effectively looking for a way to research things that benefiet autistic people.

we are here to stay, not to be cured, because we are not a mutants. We are prevelant members of society common as 1 in 68, according to the Centers for Disease Control’s Autism and Developmental Disabilities Monitoring (ADDM) 

Autism is more common than  transgenders, but they have more rights, more commotion about the public restrooms that should accommodate them, cub scouts that should allow them. There are more examples.

where are the accomodations for people with autism? Autism is still seen as a disease, but it lies in the brain, which can not be cured, just as being transgender. If being transgender isn’t seen as  a disease that should be cured, autism should’t be seen as a disease either.

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