tales by the unexpected

My story, my tales, my life

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We are cats

This blog is inspireert by something I read in “goodby, things: the new japanese minimalism”. Expect a review someday.

In that book he talks about things tied to neurotypicals their worth and how they have a need to show it to others, and I think a comment about cats and dogs in the book, explains so much.

Here is the quote from the book. “Have you ever thought about the differences between cats and dogs? Though a cat can stay at home alone and be perfectly comfortable, this is not the case for a dog. Leave the dog alone for an extended period and it’ll probably start barking or walking in circles by the door. It’s known that dogs that have been in solitude for a long period can suffer depression. Unfortunately, we’re more like dogs, not cats. We’ve been designed to act in packs and avoid solitude. As social animals, we feel the need to have value to society. We’re unable to live without feeling that there’s some meaning to our existence through the recognition or acknowledgment of others. One of the main reasons we become depressed or consider committing suicide is that we convince ourselves of the lack of value of our existence.”

Before this he talks about our ancestors and how they hunten in packs. I can’t help but think that there was also an autistic ancestor, wandering alone, not in a pack. He could have been the village wiseman, sharing his wisdom with th tribe. Contemplating existence alone. Or toolmaker, the Smith.

I think also, because we don’t care about being social, we don’t care about social value. We don’t get more pleasure out of something because it is more expensive. We don’t feel the need to show others our worth through the things we buy or put on display.

This could also explain our not caring for authority, but valueing an expert opinion. Hence, there are two types of authority. The one gained, and the one received. A translator or a native speaker automatically have authority on how a language is spoken, this they are experts in that skill. A person in a high rank could have played the socio-political game and have gained ranks that way and think very highly of himself. Mostlu those with a native skill are humble to those still learning the skill, while those having gained ranks the other way don’t have the skill to back up their claims so will belittle those that are a threat to their self worth.

The worst people to talk to…

when you are autistic, you will have allies, people that will help you learn to cope with autism. The most fun people to talk to, are those on the spectrum themselves. You don’t have to fake it. They understand you instantaniously.

The worst… by far… without any competition at all… are the autism moms.

I was in a group on Facebook, and after i started sharing my experiences with autism, they started migrating the group, because their safespace was violated.

It was mostly because they couldn’t vent anymore about how difficult their life was and how bad little Timmy messed up their life…

I gave pretty good advice to Some of them… but in the end it wasn’t appreciated. There were more autistics in the group, and we weren’t welcome there. We were silenced. The one group that could understand their kids and help them through their difficulties were silenced by the one group that needed their help the most.

Never have i met more selfish and ignorant people. Maybe I should go to church more often to meet more ignorant people.

Autism and love: can we love?

I think this is an absurd question. Can a cat love? Can a bird love? Can a dog love? Can you love? So why can’t people with autism?

the one thing that sets apart my love life, is that I don’t forget. I remember all the intricate details of my relationships, like the date they started and the date they ended. I remember my first dates in vivid detail.

It’s not that we can’t love, it’s that we haven’t learned to mimic how it is to be a couple. We have seen movies (and Yes, those kind too) but they give a twisted image of what love really is, what love is supposed to be.

I got my first real girlfriend (I only count those with whom I had sexual things), when I was 22. I met her at a wiccan gathering, She had put her relationship with her ex on pauze, and we broke up because we didn’t go anywhere. My fault entirely, as I didn’t want to go anywhere… She showed me something important though, that in what I was, I was lovable… somebody could love me.

I think the first partner for someone with autism is, and somehow stays the most important. Because it validates them somehow. I had talks with my psychologist on how to approach women and suddenly this girl contactende me after we met several months before. It was short, and i can only speak for myself, powerfull.

we certainly are lovable. But a partner of an autistic has to know something. They have to take us for who  we are. We can change a little bit. But Some things we can’t change.

If you decide to start a relationship with us, you will get a very loving, loyal partner (although we don’t show it always), you,will have all the freedoms you want, but we can be very stubborn and jealous if you give us reason to be jealous that is.

all in all, you get a quirky partner, but one that will love you unconditionally. (And if you decide to end it, we will never forget you)

If vaccines cause autism

if vaccines cause autism, shouldn’t my sisters and my mother have it too? If vaccines cause autism, shouldn’t my nieces? I have autism, like my dad had it. We even have the same traits. My dad was never diagnosed, but I see almost all the things that make me autistic in him. My sisters and my mom don’t have autism, although I suspect one of my sisters. All three of us, and all 5 of our family were vaccinated, so… if the science behind the anti-vaxxers is plausible, shouldn’t we all have autism?

Even in their own family, shouldn’t they all have autism?

Oh Yeah, the link with autism and bowel disease? I can clear that right up for you. I have them both, you see. No, goddamned, not from vaccines. The disease started when i was 16, years after i got my last shot. But here comes the colleration: whenever i get stressed, my bowels act up. Like with other people’s stomach, it’s my bowels. It’s in the criteria that people with a bowel disease are less stress-resistant. I always had a form of bowel disease, even before my shots. I was even lactose-intolerant for a while, and am even still now.

Is this also because of vaccines? No, this is not a question. It’s sarcasm. (Yes, sarcasm can be learnt up until a certain degree).

I don’t get the logic of the anti-vaxxers. Whom would rather have a dead child, than a child that might be disabled. It’s still their child. I will always compare it to down syndrome and how people react to that.

answer me this question truthfully: If you knew, with a test, that your inborn child will have autism, would you abort it? You don’t know, and the test can’t predict, the degree of autism, or the intellectual level the child will have. But you still have the final decision… would you Murder your unborn?

ps: a test like this for autism is being researched by such groups as autism speaks, whom are absolutely anti-autism.

Being a mutant

If anyone would like to know, being a mutant aka being different isn’t nearly as Cool as depicted in the movies or in comics.

the best way it is depicted is, like in the x-men movies, I think it is x-men 3: the last stand, where xavier and Magneto visit the parents of a youngster called Jean Grey, and explain to them that she is a mutant, and they want to take her away with them.

it’s almost the same as in the history of autism, where people like us, where not liked at all in society, and ‘others were almost coerced, forced, to put their child in a home and given the advice to forget the kid.

The reaction I get the most when I tell people I’m autistic is one of four: “shock”, “something apologetic” or “you don’t look autistic” or “everybody is a little autistic.”

I think the shock and you don’t look-reaction are basically the same. Only one of the two is verbalized. Sometimes I get something like “I’m sorry”. Your sympathy isn’t going to cure me, so I don’t need it. My autism isn’t all good, but it absolutely isn’t all bad either. The most hurtful is the last one. It really gets under my skin. People don’t say it because they want you to be angry. They think it’s a polite thing to say. Compare it to this: all people have a bit of down syndrome, or all people are a bit disabled. Would you say it like this? Nope, so quit it.

I don’t mind the good things my autism brings me. I have a phenomenal long term memory. I store all my memories in pictures in my mind and can recall them as if they happened yesterday.

The you,don’t look autistic is hurtful as well because people don’t know how much effort and learning it already took to be this way. I wasn’t like this all the time. I was more introverted during my teens and early life. Now I can be more sociable, but I still do faux-pas every now and then.

the worst is the fact that a lot of people don’t really know what autism is, they speak about it as if they are experts, but they haven’t lives with it for so many years, so they don’t know. Even the mother of an autistic kid, whom knows more than most, doesn’t know anything. She doesn’t know how,it feels like to be one. To be subjected to everyday reality like we, autistics, are. I don’t know how it is to be non-verbally autistic, but I have moments that I go non-verbal and I communicate with grunts until i feel better again.

Do we need a cure?

Ok. Jimmy is calling himself Carla. He’s 4 years old and he thinks he’s a girl. Although he’s born a boy, he keeps insisting he’s a girl. Something is wrong with him. He’s asking us to get him hormone therapy so he can become a woman when  he grows up, he even wants a genital operation. Something is wrong with him. He needs to be cured.

Stephanie is in her puberty now. She hasn’t had a boyfriend yet, and when she’s together with her sister she never looks at boys. Yes, she’s a high-fuctioning Lesbian. I would’ve rather had that she liked boys more, maybe it’s because of vaccines. I had her vaccinated and before that she played with boys just fine, but now that’s she’s older, she only likes girls, and is only interested in ever dating a girl. Maybe she needs a cure or something?

Are you outraged? Good. Why is it okay to say something like the above about autism, but not about being gay or being transgender. Both used to be like it though, but they are somewhat accepted now. Why is autism seen as a disease instead of being more accomodating for it?

Book review: FLIPP the Switch: Strengthen Executive Function Skills by Sheri Wilkins and Carol Burmeister part 1

I recently had the pleasure of reading “Flipp the Switch”, because I was and still am looking for a way to improve my executive functioning skills, personal planning skills in layman terms.

I asked them for a review copy, and promised them to review it here, so here is my review.

I read the book (it’s a big book, thin approx 1 inch thick, but larger than A4) in approximately 2 hours, so there isn’t a lot written in it, but the big plus is that it’s full of ways to help children with autism improve their skills. And this is also where my criticism to the book comes, it’s written for children. Although the ad copy says that it’s for people 3-22, it’s actually more aimed to children, not really adults. I don’t see myself making a card to express my feelings with a bead. (Actually I couldn’t if I wanted too… it would be average most of the times and spike when it’s already to late…)

I’m going to do this review in 2 parts, as it wasn’t a good fit for me personally, although I picked up some things from it, I gifted it to a friend of mine, whom has a younger son with autism, whom might pick up some things from the book, so I’m going to ask him for feedback, so this review is more complete and gives a more nuanced view of the book.

What about the autism epidemic?

What about the autism epidemic?

In recent years, many people, even esteemed actors, have talked against the autism epidemic and what they think is caused by vaccines.

Autism in this way has gained a lot of publicity, which helps the agenda of politicians like Donald Trump and organisations like Autism speaks, whom are looking for a cure for something that is ingrained in us, something we are born with.

I am still reading “In a different key” which tells the history of autism (I also read “Neurotribes”), both are excellent books, but they also have opened my eyes.

They talk of an autism epidemic, while the numbers have shot up, how else could they have gone up?

They only started to keep numbers starting from 1992, and more and more people started to seek out a diagnosis, while also the DSM (the psychiatric manual) started to relax the criteria for the diagnosis, so more and more people are diagnosed with autism.

The vaccine scare is still a backlash from a faulty paper published by a schmuck called Randy Wakefield, not based on actual scientific fact.

my own system

More and more I see my deficits in my day to day life that are thanks to my autism.

I don’t see things that need to happen, if I don’t explicitly think about them, or are reminded about them, and that is difficult. Like for example a small thing, like taking bread out of the freezer after a meal, so that I have thawed bread the next meal. It seems stupid, but this is something I forget to do.

You can see me as an absent-minded professor. I am thinking about other stuff the whole day long, and in my work day now, I have moments that I absolutely think about nothing, which is so relaxing. There aren’t much times that I get the chance to think about nothing, and here I get the time. This is still a trainee-period, but I wouldn’t mind being employed there and doing the job that I do now, so I can stop to think for a moment every day, and get a fresh mind while working.

But back to my deficits, I know I might zoom in onto my autistic things a little bit to much, but it has paid off, because I have created a system which overcomes some of my deficits on a day to day basis, which is planning. I will tell you more when the time is ready to do so.

Special interest

A special interests a wonderful thing. When the world overwhelms me, i can always settle in a couch with a good book and start reading about the things that interest me. Now it’s electronics and programming, it used to be mentalism and magic. I still enjoy magic and mentalism, but it doesn’t have my undivided attention anymore.

but… what if you have no way to get information about your special interest?

I have the luck that i have the internet now so I can usually find a way to get to information about my special interest, but what if I have a magic effect that is on my mind? When it was on my mind, and I had no money to buy it, I would think about it, and try to work it out. Remember that intch… the one you just can’t scratch… the one that just doesn’t want to go away… that one. Well, that’s how it feels. It keeps nagging, keeps pulling your concentration away from the things that matter right now.

it’s the same when i feel overwhelmed. To calm myself down or to make myself more comfortable, i start to do things that are linked with my special interest, and i can tell you that it’s awfully difficult to stop doing it and get back to work, because i will feel like i have no energy left. As long as i keep doing the thing then with my special interest i feel good… if i stop, it feels like they pull away your batteries and you feel drained again.

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