tales by the unexpected

My story, my tales, my life

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the pledge

To begin this new year. I firstly wish you a very, very happy 2018.

Second I will state that I pledge that I will follow these 10 points.

THE 10 POINTS OF Âû (The Autistic Union)

  1. I am Autistic. [or] I support those who are Autistic.
  2. I embrace my Autism as a very significant part of my identity.
  3. I embrace those who would sacrifice to protect all Autistic life.
  4. I embrace the belief that Autism does not need any “curing”.
  5. I embrace the self-advocacy goal of “Everything about us, with us”.
  6. I embrace the definition of Autism as a neuro-social difference.
  7. I embrace measures directed at protecting Autistics from attack.
  8. I embrace a person-centred approach to all Autism issues.
  9. I embrace rigorous scientific approaches to co-occurring conditions.
  10. I embrace Autistics leading their own welfare organisations.

You can pledge to these points here

rilatin

As you may now, I am a adhd’er. Before, when I was not on Rilatin, I was a bunny hopping from thought to thought and never accomplished anything. It’s actually a miracle that I know so much that I do know now, as before I had rare moments that I could hyperfocus and did things, but never finished anything.

Now, I am on ritalin.

I was scared to take this at first. I have my diagnose of adhd since april 2017, but waiting until now to go to a psychiatrist and let me subscribe the medicin.

I had a fear of what might happen, of what it might do to me, what side-effects might happen.

The great things is that I have now since a few days: finished 3 partially read books, mailed several people for another project I am doing, cooked and cleaned the appartment and just did things and kept my focus on them.

I am not as easily distracted anymore, as I was before. I don’t have random thoughts popping up in my head anymore. I am not as easily distractable anymore, which is a huge relief. I can now do things that have become almost impossible before.

Depression

It’s been a while since I posted because I had to up my dose of antidepressants. I had suicidal thoughts again. My life is looking to improve, but not just yet. So I have to endure a little bit longer.

also: I have prescriptions now for adhd meds that I am going to get as soon as possible and hope to see an improvement.

i will write more in the future, but this post already has me drained at the moment.

see you in the future.

murder and autism?

Great written article that you absolutely must read.

http://www.theautisticadvocate.com/2017/10/autistic-people-are-not-murderers.html?m=1

Bleach as a “cure” for autism

read all about it here: https://www.theguardian.com/society/2016/jul/13/fake-cures-autism-prove-deadly

Essentials

I am active in some minimalist groups on Facebook and a few questions keep coming up. One is how much of your clothing should you throw away to keep the bare minimum.

At the moment I only have 2 long pair of pants, several shorts, a few sweaters (mostly hoodies) and my essentials.

Essentials for me are pieces of clothing I won’t minimize on whatsoever. Black t-shirts are one of these. I have I think close to 30 t-shirts, all black, same brand. This is a concious choice.

First reason is, I’m autistic. I don’t like certain fabrics on me. Ask my girlfriend, She can tell you the story of when she went and surprised me with clothing I didn’t pick. I’m sensitive to this. Same goes for anything on my wrists or neck. I never wear ties or wristbands, and when I have to, I only wear them for when it’s absolutely necessary. Same goes for shoes. I have 4 pairs, one for every occassion, and not more than that.

Apparantly it’s necessary to wear a clean shirt every once and a while, so I bought more so I could survive at least 2 weeks without doing laundry. I also have several sets of jogging pants that fit snuggly to wear at home, as I don’t like to wear normal pants because they don’t feel well.

oh Yeah, for me, it’s always same brand stuff. Once I like something, don’t bring me other stuff, that might be similar, but isn’t. I notice. I won’t always comment on it, but I will notice always. With food I’m easier than with clothing, although I can’t eat certain foods because I’m intolerant to them.

I will never buy a few of my essentials, I need enough of them, and can’t minimize on them.

Impossible.

There would have been a time, when me typing this, would have been impossible. For me to hol reach millions upon millions of people, with he click of a button. With the click of a button have all the knowledge known to man at my fingertips.

It would have been impossible not so long ago. Not so long ago, people like me would have been in institutions.

people like me would have been locked away, and if you go even back further, people like me, with our erratic behaviour, our novel ideas, our lack of authority, would have probably been burned or hanged like witches.

how many autistics were killed in the holocaust? Only jews are counted and get the honor of being real victims of the holocaust, but what about autistics, whom only up until recently are helped and kept out of institutions.

People like me were put in institutions advised by doctors, some like Bruno Bettleheim without any credentials whatsoever. We were to be forgotten, treated inhumanly up until the 70’s of only the last century. People of color were treated better than people with dissabilities, even today, we are spoken about as if we are lesser humans, even when we are in the same room.

I know I have it better now, but one nutcase in a high position can change that, with a press of a button.

a little service announcement

Would it be easier?

This is a question I often think to myself and have talked about with my girlfriend as well.

I am very vocal most of the time. Once I start talking, you have to find a way to shut me up. Even my diagnosis says that I talk excessively much.

What most people don’t see, is that I can become non-verbal, where I communicate in grunts. The one on one talks I have with counselors are artificial in the way that I will always be on my best, regulating my stimulation in such a way that I’m not overstimulated. The preparation starts the day before, that’s the physical. The mental starts way before that.

My work counselor said what I thought a lot about as well. To paraphrase: That everything is less noticable because I’m this communicative. I can talk and reason about everything. Which has delayed my diagnosis by a couple decades.

sometimes I think about what would have happened if my autism was more noticable. Don’t get me wrong, it is noticable, if you know what to look for. But more noticable, what if I didn’t have my girlfriend, and had to go by bus, and had to cook for myself and clean and don’t get reminders verbally to bath and put on a fresh T-shirt every once and a while. But this happens before my counselor even sees me.

what if my autism was more visible… a normal school would have been impossible. My mom would nag in my presence what a burden I am. How a trait I have is a burden. How I, because I can’t communicate and can’t process language that well, don’t seem to listen. Actually how most autism moms talk now.

I would have had my diagnosis sooner, but would my quality of life have been the same? Not that it was so super now though…

We are cats

This blog is inspireert by something I read in “goodby, things: the new japanese minimalism”. Expect a review someday.

In that book he talks about things tied to neurotypicals their worth and how they have a need to show it to others, and I think a comment about cats and dogs in the book, explains so much.

Here is the quote from the book. “Have you ever thought about the differences between cats and dogs? Though a cat can stay at home alone and be perfectly comfortable, this is not the case for a dog. Leave the dog alone for an extended period and it’ll probably start barking or walking in circles by the door. It’s known that dogs that have been in solitude for a long period can suffer depression. Unfortunately, we’re more like dogs, not cats. We’ve been designed to act in packs and avoid solitude. As social animals, we feel the need to have value to society. We’re unable to live without feeling that there’s some meaning to our existence through the recognition or acknowledgment of others. One of the main reasons we become depressed or consider committing suicide is that we convince ourselves of the lack of value of our existence.”

Before this he talks about our ancestors and how they hunten in packs. I can’t help but think that there was also an autistic ancestor, wandering alone, not in a pack. He could have been the village wiseman, sharing his wisdom with th tribe. Contemplating existence alone. Or toolmaker, the Smith.

I think also, because we don’t care about being social, we don’t care about social value. We don’t get more pleasure out of something because it is more expensive. We don’t feel the need to show others our worth through the things we buy or put on display.

This could also explain our not caring for authority, but valueing an expert opinion. Hence, there are two types of authority. The one gained, and the one received. A translator or a native speaker automatically have authority on how a language is spoken, this they are experts in that skill. A person in a high rank could have played the socio-political game and have gained ranks that way and think very highly of himself. Mostlu those with a native skill are humble to those still learning the skill, while those having gained ranks the other way don’t have the skill to back up their claims so will belittle those that are a threat to their self worth.

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