tales by the unexpected

My story, my tales, my life

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My girlfriend pointed out a video to me from Keaton Jones and how he, through his tears, tells his story of how he is bullied and even tries to give words of council to others that are bullied. His words speak of a wisdom that is foreign in even many adults nowadays.

I must tell you that I haven’t watched the video, as it will only make me angry and surface old memories of my own bullies and things they did to me.

What I don’t get is why doesn’t anyone in the school do something about it? They must see it. If the acts of bullying are so blatant as the boy says, then they must be noticed. The aftermath must be noticed. It’s not that a boy is going to spill milk over himself on purpose or that bread magically appears around where he sits, or that his clothes come pre-stuffed with pieces of ham.

Bullies, in my own experience, bully those weaker than themselves, to feel superior, to feel that they are better. To be accepted by their peers, by excluding other people that are not like them.

They have been saying that bullying will be punished and there will be done something about it, but why is it still being done today. Why do they have to single out somebody whom is different by appearance and show them that they are seemingly superior.

It can be harsch. Being bullied is never fun. It makes you tougher though. I have seen and experienced most tactics, and I can predict when they will happen and in what form, or recognize the tactics for what they are: weakness. In the recent “to siri” posts by the author she noticed that she was weak against us, autistics, and she said that we don’t get the humour because we are autistic. I watch standup comedians and I now when something is funny, her book was not. It was also a form of bullying but by a mom towards her own child.

It should be punished. I hope that Keaton’s school is going to take action against his bullies and punish it with the severity it deserves.


As you may now, I am a adhd’er. Before, when I was not on Rilatin, I was a bunny hopping from thought to thought and never accomplished anything. It’s actually a miracle that I know so much that I do know now, as before I had rare moments that I could hyperfocus and did things, but never finished anything.

Now, I am on ritalin.

I was scared to take this at first. I have my diagnose of adhd since april 2017, but waiting until now to go to a psychiatrist and let me subscribe the medicin.

I had a fear of what might happen, of what it might do to me, what side-effects might happen.

The great things is that I have now since a few days: finished 3 partially read books, mailed several people for another project I am doing, cooked and cleaned the appartment and just did things and kept my focus on them.

I am not as easily distracted anymore, as I was before. I don’t have random thoughts popping up in my head anymore. I am not as easily distractable anymore, which is a huge relief. I can now do things that have become almost impossible before.


It’s been a while since I posted because I had to up my dose of antidepressants. I had suicidal thoughts again. My life is looking to improve, but not just yet. So I have to endure a little bit longer.

also: I have prescriptions now for adhd meds that I am going to get as soon as possible and hope to see an improvement.

i will write more in the future, but this post already has me drained at the moment.

see you in the future.

murder and autism?

Great written article that you absolutely must read.


Bleach as a “cure” for autism

read all about it here: https://www.theguardian.com/society/2016/jul/13/fake-cures-autism-prove-deadly


I read some comments on this article. And it actually broke my heart.

I think autism speaks is winning, in painting autism of as a deathsentence. The article is 2 years old. 2 years had it had time to be read and even in the first paragraph is ableist bullshit, as if the speaking end of the spectrum has it easier, has a milder form (to use functioning labels), they fail to grasp that autism is a way of looking at the world, not a freaking death sentence.

I could “live” with the first part, I skimmed over the article, as it’s the usual ” oh, it’s so bad for me because i,have a kid with autism” most autistic parents spew to whomever wants to listen…

I read some of the comments, and then it really hit me. If autism speaks and it’s evil minion researchers ever find a prenatal test for autism, then it’s bye bye autistics. Most people have the illussion, thanks to rhe more vocal autism speaks and autism parents, that autism is an godawful condition, so bad in fact, that people want to abort us, which means, not even giving their kid, which they made, a chance of life, because they heard it might be that awful monster, autism, that is going to take away their child.

They would rather have no child, than a child that might need care. I have spoken about this before, with my girlfriend. We went over the whatif situation. What if our child was autistic, like me. Or had a bowel-disease like me. Would we keep it? Or would we abort it.

I have put more things into the discussion. What if it’s down syndrome? Would we keep it? I don’t think She ever had doubts when She gave her answer… off course we would keep it. Are we nazi’s? ( I can’t think of more despicable people, I haven’t lost the internet discussion.)

I,don’t understand the logic. Never will. Of people who can say with a straight face that they would abort a child. I only allow it in one circumstance: when a woman is raped and She got pregnant because of that. Then abortion is fine.

My philosophy is: if you are mature enough to fuck, you are mature enough to raise a child. If your child is disabled, it’s disabled, and it still deserved a perfect life. Society has to be for everybody, not only for a neurotypical perfect race.


I am active in some minimalist groups on Facebook and a few questions keep coming up. One is how much of your clothing should you throw away to keep the bare minimum.

At the moment I only have 2 long pair of pants, several shorts, a few sweaters (mostly hoodies) and my essentials.

Essentials for me are pieces of clothing I won’t minimize on whatsoever. Black t-shirts are one of these. I have I think close to 30 t-shirts, all black, same brand. This is a concious choice.

First reason is, I’m autistic. I don’t like certain fabrics on me. Ask my girlfriend, She can tell you the story of when she went and surprised me with clothing I didn’t pick. I’m sensitive to this. Same goes for anything on my wrists or neck. I never wear ties or wristbands, and when I have to, I only wear them for when it’s absolutely necessary. Same goes for shoes. I have 4 pairs, one for every occassion, and not more than that.

Apparantly it’s necessary to wear a clean shirt every once and a while, so I bought more so I could survive at least 2 weeks without doing laundry. I also have several sets of jogging pants that fit snuggly to wear at home, as I don’t like to wear normal pants because they don’t feel well.

oh Yeah, for me, it’s always same brand stuff. Once I like something, don’t bring me other stuff, that might be similar, but isn’t. I notice. I won’t always comment on it, but I will notice always. With food I’m easier than with clothing, although I can’t eat certain foods because I’m intolerant to them.

I will never buy a few of my essentials, I need enough of them, and can’t minimize on them.


There would have been a time, when me typing this, would have been impossible. For me to hol reach millions upon millions of people, with he click of a button. With the click of a button have all the knowledge known to man at my fingertips.

It would have been impossible not so long ago. Not so long ago, people like me would have been in institutions.

people like me would have been locked away, and if you go even back further, people like me, with our erratic behaviour, our novel ideas, our lack of authority, would have probably been burned or hanged like witches.

how many autistics were killed in the holocaust? Only jews are counted and get the honor of being real victims of the holocaust, but what about autistics, whom only up until recently are helped and kept out of institutions.

People like me were put in institutions advised by doctors, some like Bruno Bettleheim without any credentials whatsoever. We were to be forgotten, treated inhumanly up until the 70’s of only the last century. People of color were treated better than people with dissabilities, even today, we are spoken about as if we are lesser humans, even when we are in the same room.

I know I have it better now, but one nutcase in a high position can change that, with a press of a button.

a little service announcement

Would it be easier?

This is a question I often think to myself and have talked about with my girlfriend as well.

I am very vocal most of the time. Once I start talking, you have to find a way to shut me up. Even my diagnosis says that I talk excessively much.

What most people don’t see, is that I can become non-verbal, where I communicate in grunts. The one on one talks I have with counselors are artificial in the way that I will always be on my best, regulating my stimulation in such a way that I’m not overstimulated. The preparation starts the day before, that’s the physical. The mental starts way before that.

My work counselor said what I thought a lot about as well. To paraphrase: That everything is less noticable because I’m this communicative. I can talk and reason about everything. Which has delayed my diagnosis by a couple decades.

sometimes I think about what would have happened if my autism was more noticable. Don’t get me wrong, it is noticable, if you know what to look for. But more noticable, what if I didn’t have my girlfriend, and had to go by bus, and had to cook for myself and clean and don’t get reminders verbally to bath and put on a fresh T-shirt every once and a while. But this happens before my counselor even sees me.

what if my autism was more visible… a normal school would have been impossible. My mom would nag in my presence what a burden I am. How a trait I have is a burden. How I, because I can’t communicate and can’t process language that well, don’t seem to listen. Actually how most autism moms talk now.

I would have had my diagnosis sooner, but would my quality of life have been the same? Not that it was so super now though…

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