My letter to autism parents

Dear Mr or Mrs autism-parent,

I don’t know you, or your little kid. I don’t know your situation. What I do know, is autism.

You only have been affected by it, for maximum 18 years, after this your kids will be adults.

First of all, your kids can hear you. They can hear you bitch and moan about them. They feel that you don’t like them. That you secretly wished that they weren’t there. They feel how you feel about them. They might not talk, they might not say it out loud, but they will express it by having meltdowns, tantrums and shutdowns, way more often than if you liked them,

It is a sad thing to see, that accepting a child with autism, is an exception, rather than the rule. No, it’s not vaccines that are the cause, you or your spouse might be autistic as well. Oh Yeah, once and for all… don’t refer to us as person with, or on the spectrum… our brain is autistic, ergo the rest of our body is as well. We can’t be seperated by it, we czn’t be cured, it’s not a disease, so don’t refer to it as if it is one either.

Oh Yeah, about functioning labels… they suck. They undo our hard work in one easy swoop, our daily effort slept under the rug. We, more functioning adults, as you call us, have a daily effort in having to look like we can function like a normal human being, otherwise we will get bullied, excluded and generally looked at weirdly for a whole day. It might be blunt… but your kid has the advantage that he looks like what most people think of as autism. He doesn’t have to fight for support or understanding, He or She will never have to hear that he “doesn’t look autistic”, “that everybody is a little autistic”.

What he will have to deal with, is you, and how you treat autistics. Especially those vocal online, whom Fight for your kids’ right. Whom want to make your kids life the best it can be, by translating his behaviours in ways you can understand them.  The posts you generally ignore, or as i said before, swoop under the rug because we are “high-functioning”,  and your kid isn’t. Great way to talk about your kid by the way.

One more thing… I was born in 1987. I’m 30 years old. There was no support. If I didn’t for for my diagnose, I would probably still don’t have it. Only recently, will I get the support I need. Yes, I have fought for my degree, struggled to get it… I had to pass not only my degree, but 30 years I had to pass as neurotypical. 30 years, I had no support. No sense of belonging, no extra money or resources, because I didn’t have the label yet. A label, in the way you treat me, I don’t deserve, because I am not like your kid.

well, you are not me. And not autistic either. You are a parent. Your job, and when you accepted your kid you took the obligation upon you, is to raise that autistic kid. You will have to guide it, raise it, like any other parent should, regardless of autism or not. Normal parents have it difficult as well, but you think you have it more difficult, because you have a kid wilt autism.

We were that kid once, and never got the support you have available now, because your kid has the label so soon. He will grow up more protector, with less hardships, than we, the previous autistic generation.

sincerely,

an autistic.