I have explained to you before that a diagnosis, if you have been waiting for it your whole life, is a blessing. You probably have been bullied up to this point, called arrogant and stubborn. Stuff like that. Knowing then that it’s not something you do, can be a huge relieve. Also, you will have felt out of sync with the rest often world, and your diagnose will give you a sense of belonging.

Now, here are a few reasons why you wouldn’t want a diagnose.

I have known how it is to be seen as able-person, and by the general public, I still am an able-person, until I tell them I’m autistic.

Once I tell them I’m autistic they will treat me differently. They will, if my girlfriend is present, address her more than me. They will talk about me, but not like I’m there.

Although autism-parents are the worst. They can’t seem to fathom that you once were a kid as well. That you know how their kid might feel, or their brother or sister in case of siblings. That you can be an effective translator of autism behaviour. There are 2 reactions: they are grateful for your input. Second one is, they call you not-like-their-child-autistic. As if there are different kinds. I wouldn’t have gotten my diagnose if I wasn’t affected by it as well.

I think autism-parents react that way because we don’t pat them on the back and tell them how hard it is, because we have had it worse… we are autistic ourselves. We know how it feels, how it affects our senses, steers our behaviour. They don’t see our less able moments. They think because we can type that we are neurotypical, or more neurotypical… while we are still autistic and still affected. My work-counselor S. said it the best, not in this words, but this is what She implied: because you are able to talk the way you do, and mask it the way I can, I seem more able than I actually am.

My girlfriend is my crutch now. I will have a counselor only for my autism and to teach me stuff in few weeks, but I have a lot of support from my girlfriend at the moment. I will explain in a later article why.