How I stepped away from being non-neuro-typical years before my diagnosis

I won’t get my diagnosis until later this year, and it’s almost a given that I will get my diagnosis. I will almost certainly get it (90 procent chance). Almost everybody that has seen me more than once, and knows a bit about autism sees it automatically.

It was something a teacher said to me: “You are weird, but I don’t know what makes you weird.” My response was very, very positive, and the teacher didn’t get why. I gave him this answer in return: “Have you seen normal people? I don’t want to be like them, so it’s a compliment to be called weird.”

I am weird. No doubt about that. I was the one sitting on the ground at the bus stop, because there was no place to sit. I am the one reading a book in that position as well. I am the one in the clothes that almost no one wears. That are out of style or need fixing. I am the one in the pants several sizes to big or a sweater with which I can almost pitch a tent. I am the one that will mostly be doodling during class, or possibly reading or making exercises, while you, the teacher, are still talking. I might be staring out of the window, absolutely not following what you are talking about, but when you get my homework it shows that I actually know the subject. I’m the one pupil that loves to work alone, and almost never is picked to work in groupworks anyway.

I’m the one pupil that will probably challenge your authority, but will gladly give you the authority if you know what you are talking about or you show me that you know more about the subject than me. Fail to do one or both and I will probably never respect you. It doesn’t have anything to do with gender or race but of competence. You can show me all the fancy degrees you want, fail to answer one or two of my questions and you will automatically lose authority, because I will research the hell out of the questions and I will come back to show you the answer. Best thing to do is answer me with “I don’t know, I will look it up for you.” That will keep you your precious authority.

I will be the pupil that stays home if he knows that you can’t teach him anything or not handing in schoolwork, because he doesn’t see the use of it.

I don’t do anything to belittle you or to give you a hard time just for the sake of giving you a hard time. I’m just different.

I’m the pupil who will probably never ask a question in class, but come to speak to you after class, and if I really like you as a person, talk to you as I would to one of my friends, one of the highest honours I can give you, because I don’t know how to relate to most of the people around me, I will relate to people whom I like, like I’m showing you at that moment. I will gladly help you with things, not to get things from you, but just to help you.

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